Tu mujhse gar khafa rahe to achchha hai..
Doorian darmiyaa.n rahe.n to achchha hai.
Mere jalne ka ilzaam tujh par to nahi magar,
Sitaaron mein ik faasla rahe to achchha hai.
Baat mohabbat-o-nafrat ki to ab nahi rahi lekin
Azab sa phir bhi koi silsila rahe to achcha hai.
August 26, 2007
Posted by ..
Vik
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2:53 PM
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16 comments:
Beautiful piece of work once again...
:-)
Enjoyed it. Esp the refrain 'rahe to accha hai' seems a rich ground for more...
1st and 3rd came out very well. I enjoyed the idea of the 2nd a lot, but maybe a few changes in words to give it more flow...
PS: Azab = Ajab (meaning Ajeeb). Writing it as Azab could be confused with Azaab (meaning punishment/hardships)
I loved it...i liked the though in the second couplet a lot, but the words could have been refined.
I would like to add:
Meri tanhaa raaton ki bheed se
Door yeh kaafila rahe to achcha hai
Be-jasbaat naa ho jaaye kahin tu "muskaan"
Dil me ek gilaa rahe to achcha hai
*thought
Real good! Achchha hai! Last couplet is my personal favorite.
[Uru]
Thanks :)
[Siyaah, Tap]
Thanks. It was almost spontaneous.. kind of 15 min work. Glad you liked the ideas. Blogging for me is no longer about fine-tuning words. Life ain't allowing me much time with myself.. :)
[Tap]
You are so cruel.. You know nobody would like my lines after reading that wonderful second couplet of yours.
:)
[Vibhav]
Thanx..
Mine too. At least there is something in the world where the last one is expected to be the best of them all, almost as a rule.
[Vik]
Oh, cmon! Its just a thought that came to my mind while I was reading your poem, and hence I posted it!
[Tap] It's too good. That's all I meant.
i hv to agree with you vikram...those lines by tapasya are simply awesome...though it takes nothing away from your words...
man...i envy u guys...such spontaneous flow of emotions in such beautiful words....keep going man..awesome
@Desparado: Thanks for the appreciation. :)
Beautiful post
and that goes for the lines by Tapasya too!
On that note am reminded of Nida Fazli's lines:
''duniyaa na jeet paao to haaro na khud ko tum
Thodii bahut to zehan main naaraazagii rahe''
one can find succor in that too!
[Desperado]
Have read some really nice poems in old pages of your blog too. You stopped writing, or posting?
[Geetanjali]
Thanks..
Those lines are wonderful. I guess I'd like to grab a book of Fazli's works (that I once saw in library) after being introduced to such great she'rs by him. Here is another one I liked:
"Bahut mushkil hai banzaara-mizaazi,
Saleekaa chaahiye aawaargi mein"
hello! how r u doing??? long time! used to keep coming in to check for updates but u were inactive for days!!
Don't know what has prompted this piece to be put here but its wonderful!!
[Chandni]
Hi. am doing good.. was a bit busy recently, but as always, the exams come with a lot of free time :).. how u doing?
Nothing is prompting enough these days.. And hence the inactivity on the blog. Glad that you found this piece good.
I also discovered Nida Fazli's works quite recently.
the complete version of the earlier couplet is:
''badalaa na apane aap ko jo the vahii rahe
milate rahe sabhii se magar ajanabii rahe
duniyaa na jeet paao to haaro na Khud ko tum
Thodii bahut to zehan main naaraazagii rahe
apanii tarah sabhii ko kisii kii talaash thii
ham jisake bhii qariib rahe duur hii rahe
guzaro jo baaG se to duaa maangate chalo
jismein khile hain phuul vo Daalii harii rahe''
I don't mean to crowd your comments with his work or overshadow your brilliant piece either
..but can't help sharing some of his great works (especially now that I know you admire him)
My favourite one remains 'kisi ko muqqamal jahaan naahn milta..'
Another strong line from a separate work of his that has a strong social message (I marvel the brevity of these lines!)
''ghar se masjid hai bahut door chalo yun kar lein,
kisi rote huye bacchhe ko hansaya jaaye''
and I stop now :))
Beautiful words. Thanks for sharing the entire ghazal. After reading it, I couldn't wait for the book and googled out a substantial database of his works.
I once read an article by him in a newspaper recollecting how some of his works, including "ghar se masjid..", irked some quarters (read fundamentalists). Loved that voice against orthodoxy.
Admittedly, I've read not many Urdu works, but really appreciate those who have. :)
[And getting 'somebody' read Ghalib is more than appreciable ;)]
Keep visiting :)
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