Another Mortal Life

In this city, though lights seldom go off,
At least not all at once,
Moonless nights here are just as scary
As they are in the hinterlands.
Or perhaps even more.

In this city, where lights seldom go off,
Shadows seldom leave you.
When white light pierces you, it makes one.
When yellow light pierces you, it makes another.
... Shadow of your own self.

In this city, where lights outnumber people,
You are one, shadows are many.
You feel happy that while lights are fixed,
You are free, you've a choice.
To move, to decide.
But didn't you ever think
that you are just a point where your shadows meet?
Dark shadows, faint shadows.
Small shadows, long shadows.
Don't you think lights decide more than you do?

Try to shorten one of your shadows, the others get longer.
Try to walk upon one, it itself gets longer.
Now think of doing away with all of them,
And you are about to dive into the blaze.
Lights. know. how to play with you.

Give me on Your canvass, some harder brushstrokes
Not this easily, O Lord, will I disappear against life!
...

Chala aur jor se, ai khuda, humpe apni koochiyaa.n
Yun aasaani se na hum feeke dikhenge zindagi se!
...

Some unfounded, some justifiable-
Too many grudges I bear against life.

Some apparent, some unconscious-
Many illusions I hold dear, against life.

At times crazy, at times a loser-
Too many times I appear against life.

I swear at God, I swear at the world-
Too many times I swear against life.

Some alcohol, some mental turmoil-
In too many ways I prepare against life.

No more can I fake it, nobody would take it
So everything I spill here against life.

O world! Come and see for yourself
Devoid of a choice, how I shear against life.

"Vanity is as ill at ease under indifference as tenderness is under a love which it cannot return."

- George Eliot

Wo aaye to khwab hi mein magar..
Haqeeqat badal gaye.

Nazar aaye pahle se bahut khoob,
Husn-o-rangat badal gaye!

Mujhe dekh kar, kar gaye nazar-andaaz..
Behad badal gaye.

Duyina-o- dil-e-Vikram ki
Haalat badal gaye.

Kisi ne kaha humein beytuka, kisi ne kaha saudaaii..
To ek mubassir nazar humne bhi daali zindagii par.
Thoda hua rashq to thoda aaya raham bhi, ke..
Humpe jo nahin chadhta nasha, chadhta hai isii par.

***

saudaaii = crazy, mubassir nazar = observer's eye, rashq = envy.

It's 5 am again, but today I feel I should sleep,
But (yesterday's) promises to you I shall keep.
-Now this line I copied from Vibhav's blog
I acknowledge it every time I do it, kyun bhaai log?
Though this doesn't allow me an out-of-context use,
It's fair enough, a fair literary misuse.
Fairer than How Opal Mehta Got Kissed[2],
At least, I leave no reason for anybody to be pissed.

So, "I'm back, doing what I do best.."
-Oh, that's from 'Lord of War' I confess
Anyway, I'm back doing what I do best
Whine, ramble, gabble, burble, blurt.
I don't know on what rules the world of today runs
I find it so difficult to even talk to that one woman,
In a world where once a Butler could get away with This-
"Did you ever think of marrying- just for the fun of it?"[3]

............................................

[1] This is half of what I had written on the next day of the previous post. I didn't publish because the other half didn't look like something I would want to publish. Today I thought that not all of it deserved to die the death of a draft.
[2] I haven't read that book. It was in news for some 'allegedly' plagiarized content.
[3] No offense meant to the fellow blogger(s) who adore(s) That Character from 'Gone With the Wind'. :P [4]
[4] Do I have to acknowledge everything? Even the inspiration for footnoting.. ? [5]
[5] Even the inspiration for footnoting within a footnote.. ? Ok, it's Drenched's blog.

Subah ke hain yaaron 'paanch' baje
Karoon kya mujhe kuchh na soojhe
Neend to khair pahle bhi mujhe kab aati thi
teen baje kkp ke bhajanon ki jo dhun aati thi
Main good night bolta tha vo good morning
Bhajan bhi aise jaise hon mourning.
Par phir bhi mein so leta tha.
Kisi ke khyalon mein kho leta tha.
(Oh, ye wala sentence bas rhyming ke liye tha)

Aaj hua jaane kya
Neend ka nahin naamo-nishaan
Aur na yahoo na gTalk pe koi
Kya bhala saari duniya soi..
Na koi blogging ke liye idea mila
Orkut bhi pahle waala na raha..
Uski pics bhi accessible nahin
Duniya mein nyaY bacha hi nahin.
(There's no justice left in the world.)

Kuchh barking kuchh cawing suni beech beech mein
Psycho padosi (the non-kkp one) bhi dikha ghoomta neend mein
Ab bombay jaayega to jayega Maximum City jaroor padhkar
aur haan, aajkal khush hai khud ko psychic samajhkar
Aur uske saamne ke room wale ki life se hai movies ke alaawa sab gone
(Fearing a defamation suit,
the observation that rhymed with the above is withdrawn.)
Aur ek gaya tha lab mein aaj aadhi raat ko
Padhai ka bukhar chadhaa kayi saal baad, Yo!
(Bakiyon ke baare mein kal baat karenge, ok! Good morning/night.)

चंद लफ्जों की है दास्ताने-दिल
लिखें क्या कोई किताब इस पर!
कुछ खताएं हमने कीं, और,
कोई खफा रहा हमसे ज़िंदगी भर।

You jumped off one of the gates of your college in a careless manner on the day of Holi. You ignored the strain it caused in your hand and shoulder for good 20 days. You insisted on not going to Sickbay for such a minor pain. Meanwhile you also carelessly crossed deadlines of many term papers, book reviews, assignments, presentations etc. After the 'good' 20 days, the pain started to worsen. Then in a 'Numb' sorta style you decided to literally sweep somebody off his feet to relieve yourself of the pain! Now you've a BTP looming large on your head, along with all the aforementioned assignments.. And one of your hands almost refuses to type! Boy, you've a soft tissue injury!

Yours truly ain't careless, he's absolutely careless.

Walked a not-so-lonely South Delhi road yesterday night with a can of beer in my hand, and a couple of friends by my side.. Yeah, I graduated[1]. It was in people's eyes. I need no certificate from IIT any longer.

"Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever.."
(Summer of '69)

Teachers at school used to insist on discipline. The professional life after college would've too many obligations. I've been a puppet, I'll be a puppet. But right now are the days of MY life, and that is so fucking best about them.



[1] It's still some time before I graduate 'academically'. Currently I'm contemplating graduating in other spheres of life. ;)

..I didn't know it then, but now I can say, the worst you can miss anybody is to miss someone who is very much around.

.. Your first F-grade is much like your first fk- It breaks a certain barrier between a resistance and a routine.

.. I moved out of the room, and started walking. The breeze was slow and cold- like the one that they say brings back memories. I had had enough of nostalgia already. I paced up. I wanted the wind to hit me like a storm, and not like the last of her words to me. But the wind, slow or momentous, was on her side. I stopped. "Enough!"- I shouted. It didn't echo.

Aankho.n ne dekhi hai nayi si ik duniya aaj.
Kal raat baarish mein dhula bahut kuchh..

खयालों को लफ्जों में पिरो पाते हैं मुश्किल से,
पर कहा जब भी तुमसे कुछ.. हमने सब कहा दिल से।

इस क़दर टुकड़ों में जिया है ज़िन्दगी तुझको..
एक हिस्सा तेरा खो जाए तो मुझ पर असर नहीं