Another Mortal Life

This was a war not for
being alive, but dead
It was deep inside you
It was well in your head

It was the pure, transparent
and unadulterated salinity
Chosen by youself to take on
your already-in-ruins sanity

It was the illusionist’s show
you’d only two reasons to see
Either to let go the control, or
To find if you’d hold on to be

There is such a great similarity
between confidence and a high
You can dare shake a leg
for the first time in public eye

When the war is within you
wars of the world are forgotten
Escapist is the word for you
Funny was your momentary fun

Jabse mein haath mein jaam nahii.n leta
Dost kehte hain tu akl se kaam nahii.n leta

Mujhko jamaane ki hai parvaah bas itni
Kehta sab hun, bas.. uska naam nahii.n leta

Dabdabaai un aankho.n se dayaar na baha hota
Pehla vo katra agar main thaam nahii.n leta

Diljale aashiqo.n ki bastii mein rehta hun
Main haseeno.n se dua-o-salaam nahii.n leta


(Could somebody suggest a title for it?)

The last time I felt satisfied after writing something was You and U, and before that it was :).

Then why the heck do I post so frequently? And that too when almost all the bloggers I enjoyed discussions with have gradually disappeared or have limited their presence. It's really no fun anymore. The blogs I'm used to reading have all gone almost dry, and I don't feel like reading any new ones. I wish somebody erase the password of my blogspot account from my memory. I surely won't take pains of creating a new one! OK, just kidding! (Am I?)

From now on, you will see less of me, but at the same time, better of me: mostly poetry!

(Don't know how less frequent I would be. I'm just giving it a try. This is not a resolution! But it'll be good if I stick to the decision, because I know there are many other things I need to put time into.)

This is the fourth time in last two months when I am feeling like writing something similar to what I'm finally writing today. Each time I delayed, and the impulse died.

First, it was our so-called forefather Manu's writings, a part of which I got a chance to read last semester (obviously, for academic requirements). Though it was a nice read and I can whole-heartedly agree that Manu was a great Indian philosopher, I couldn't resist myself from ridiculing him for what he has been hailed for centuries and criticized for years. So here I quote our so-called forefather, though not in his own words, but a translation (not by me):

"Hybridisation destroys the basic material of the human being. It is one of the major causes of the decline and destruction of State and society"

Certainly, Manu is not talking about inter-species sex. What he is doing is to create species within species (and hence letting none be human). Oh, now I understand: He is indeed the Forefather, he produced not one, but four species and millions of sub-species in Hindus (And he didn't need an Eve!).

The concept of sub-species is such an intelligent work. It ensures that each sub-species has at least a few other sub-species to look down upon and hence console itself. And the 'lowest' ones who don't have any sub-species to 'hate' would only be a thousandth fraction of the population! Kudos to Manu. The 999/1000 fraction of the society is happy! Ignorance is bliss.

Second time, it was on a train where I found three female teachers of some secondary school talking about everything from their paychecks to castes to women empowerment. (I just wish 'sound' were a thing you could hear only when you are being spoken to. I was so sleepy that time.) Anyhow here are some excerpts from their wisdom :

"Wo to xyz (some caste different than her's and, of course, not the same as that of other two teachers) hai. Uska kya bharosa"

"Men still don't understand. Women are rising; take it on your chin, guys."

"Pataa nahin kya bura kiya tha bechari ne pichhle janam mein. Three daughters and no son yet" (Not to mention that this is the same speaker who declared the rise)

So the young minds of this nation are in good hands.

Next time it was the newspaper when I was back home this december. Every other day I could read:

"A Panchayat of some 22 villages sat to decide on the punishment to be meted out to the couple who were found guilty of an inter-caste marriage"

"All members of groom's caste in the village are to be socially boycotted- the Panchayat unanimously decides. Situation tense. SP says enough forces are deployed there to control any unwanted incident".(Are the things done by the Panchayat not 'unwanted' in the first place?)

"No church shall be constructed in the town- Maha Panchayat decides. Moreover the christians involved in the construction have to leave the village" (And the police again was reported to be in control of the situation!)

What the hell! Is there any law in this land of ours or these panchayats are the ministries of the so-called God? If these are the decisions they are going to continue making, we should consider doing away with them. (I know. I know. Please don't enlighten me with the lecture on benefits of panchayati system you read in your junior high school!)

Moreover, what these hindi newspapers think they are doing when they mention the names of who's who of the panchayat? Fuck them. TOI is indeed better, I must say, now that I've found there's more crappy stuff in print media than DT's page 3.

And the latest thing that forces me to write is the Big Brother Bakwaas. We the sons and daughters of Manu are hell bent on taking not only on the individual who made some racist remarks on Shilpa Shetty, but also on Britain and the West in general (as if this country of ours has some deep-rooted tradition of equality(!)- this's what I wrote while commenting on a friend's post on the issue.)

We aren't racist. Britain is. (After all, colour is the criteria that defines racism!) And that too because somebody from that nation didn't treat our 'celebrity' well. Tell me something better to laugh at.

While I'm talking about racism and things, I have some vague recollections of this nice and simple poem:

"Dear white fella
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.

You white fella
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey.

And you have the cheek to call me colored????? "

(Well, Google is such a great thing! Kills the vagueness of the recollections! It also says the poem is by some African Shakespeare.)

And how could I not mention this statement by a now-retired Indian cricketer: "A loss to West Indies doesn't hurt that much. They are like us."

Why????

Nothing beats the fun of standing in one's balcony for two hours on a january night. Letting your feet move into the part of the wing where the chilly wind attains a momemtum is a real mix of pain and pleasure. And pain could never beat the pleasure whenever they tend to exist simultaneously.

It had to be another of my eccentric or stupid idea, or whatever you call, to stand in the balcony at 3 am! The only thing that tried to put up some resistance to the lovely breeze getting all over me was a thin shirt, sleeves rolled up. Insomnia can make you go crazy at times.

We are so accustomed to talk about tears in terms of those of sorrow and those of happiness. Rarely do we remember even winters can get our eyes wet.

A night-out (a misnomer I know) is no new thing for me. The only nights I can't pass without sleep are those of the exams time. It is never tough passing a night talking with friends, or wasting time on your computer. Yesterday night was different though. Firstly, I was alone; and secondly, the computer was off for the whole night (though the 'night' by an average hosteler's standards starts not before other people's midnight.)

Really, it's the variety in experiences that makes life enjoyable. They so rightly say 'excess of everything is bad'. Using the internet for hours at a stretch is no fun. So lately I've decided to introduce some variety in my life. Thanks to this friend of mine (whose room was under renovation, and therefore was his continuous presence in my room, and it irritated me somewhat, I confess.) I was literally dragged into watching a few episodes of 'Friends' on my computer and to my surprize I liked them! and so I'm watching the series now without anybody forcing me to!

Also, there are these scores of movies I've to watch. Movies are fun. You don't have to strain the tissues of your brain for them, quite unlike blogging. (And of course, studies should also have their share of time, and brain.)
In a similar search for variety, I plan to listen to more of western and some light Punjabi music and take a break from the Hassans and Jagjits for a while.

And then, seeing this other friend of mine having abandonned his computer and reading literature in all his free time enthused me to start reading again. And the first book I took up was the one I perhaps detested most- Five Point Someone! Having known the story ever since my first year, I was always sure that a story about The Jail I myself am in can't be an enjoyable read. And again to my surprize, I wasn't right. "It's a must read for every IITian"- they rightly say! I finished reading it at 3 in the night, or morning if you say! They say "You can't sleep once you are past the hour you were feeling sleepy in". And so happened my first all alone and no computer night-out. This was the first time this winter in Delhi when I saw the first rays of the sun. And then, I obviously had to sleep.

I wanna talk to you,
and wanna talk to u too,
but not together.

You know me somewhat,
so I can be me with you,
but am I really that me?
Anyhow it doesn't matter
to you,
to me too
-though not absolutely.

U know me not yet,
I am just a face that
I am not sure u still recognise.
I am so bad at reading eyes.
But it does matter
not to u,
but me
-and too much at that.

I have got to be different
with you and u,
though I shouldn't be
-I always knew.
Let me just ask
-when are you and u
not together?

PS: Forgive me! It's like maintaining a public and personal blog on a common URL. One of the benefits of it is the restraint I am able to impose on myself (being aware of the public eye). Secondly, things half-said sound somewhat poetic. So plz bear with this!

In all my knowledge, I was going on without life for years; and one day I realised it was with me all through. This was a big blow to my pride of being an unaided warrior.


"There is no room for complacency if you want to excel yourself."
"Wait, sir! I guess I made towers for it last sem! I'm an IITD civil engineer par excellence."


My love for life is unconditional, I don't know why it has to suck.

My happiness knows no bound for the last two-three days, I mean, from the moment I am sure I won't be doing any course in C-slot (the three days a week, 8 am class) and almost certainly the D-slot that follows it will also be free. I would've writen something on it, but I remember Kunal Chandra wrote something for the Contact, 2005 (the annual magazine of the institute). And I obviously can't better him. Though chemical engineering runs heavily in his blood, still, others too can equally relate to this poem:


Waking up one morning I looked around to find an austerely mighty abode.
Austere was the clock that had rang a minute ago; mighty was the time that flowed.
The habitat did not promise much but the habitant must take the less trodden path.
Quick decision was to be taken to prevent the aftermath.

Sense of achievement if expressed would make me sound complacent
Desiring more would accuse me of ambitious intent.
The elation had sunk and so had the dreams so passionately reared.
But the preachers of eleemosynary had promised more to this world.

More men who can transfer the heated agitation from hot to cold.
More men who can repeat the story oft retold.
More men who can fix the bed for catalyst to sleep.
More men who can drill oil which is set so deep.

And three years ago my biggest achievement had brought my greatest trial
When I was ordained to set the stage for water to boil.
Many had done it before and many would when I am gone
Plagiarism would still prevail and nothing new would ever be drawn.

Fluid would flow and mass would be transferred.
Minors would be written and majors will be answered.
Plants would not lose if I am not there
And the cakes would still filter with the primary layer.

Tubes would be laid and pitches will be defined
My existance cannot make a difference to the crude to be refined.
Transducers will guide the valves and controllers will be set
Assignments will still be derived from the net.

Am I quetching or is this true?
Will I ever design a reactor that is new?
Would I ever be able to defy the existing norms?
Or will my success eternally be dependent on McGraw-Hills and dot coms?

Thinking thus, I gazed once again at the time that flowed
And quickly realizing I can never walk a less trodden road
I decided, brushing away every thought
It is not worth attending the C-slot. "


Thanks Kunal. The poem helped me to not have any inclination for registering any C-slot course, and chemical-engg-OC in particular! And now when I publish this post at 3:30 am my decision goes on to be rock-solid.

50 years ago, on 35 mm black and white screen, Guru Dutt created one of the best classics of Hindi Cinema - Pyaasa. I watched it today for the first time and I don't remember watching any movie better than this one. Now I know why Guru Dutt is hailed as a genius of the art of film-making.

1957 was the greatest year in the history of Indian Cinema. Two of the greatest movies of all time- 'Mother India' and 'Pyaasa' were released this year! Now I guess I would like to compare the two by watching them within a short interval of time very soon.

I tend to talk about the pitiful standards of the film-makers of today's India everytime I watch such classics. But let's leave that. We all know.

But are the film-makers the only ones to blame for all this? Do we want to see the common man's India in our movies? Would you like to buy a ticket for 'Pyaasa' (if you knew beforehand that 'looser', 'eccentric', 'pagla', 'impractical' are some of the words you can associate with the protagonist) if it were to release today? I myself am not sure if I would!

Well, there's some Board of Students' Publications (BSP) in IIT Delhi! And it works too! And its work is to publish a few articles on some eight pages of paper, and distribute it back to the writers! (My friends, you surely deserved a better circulation of your work.)

The above assertion of mine is a bit sarky but this is what I'm feeling right now. BSP doesn't even care to distribute its Newsletter to the common IITians! This allows some odd ones among them to write articles on the unpleasant lack of readers of the print form due to audio-visual media and the internet.

Today I really miss "Campus Rumpus" (the magazine) when I see on my table the latest issue of this Newspaper like thing called the Newsletter ( I don't know how many issues they've published but this is the first I happen to have my hands on! And that too only because a friend mentioned it and I've borrowed it from him). I still have copies of some of the (magazine's) issues. It was indeed better than the newsletter.

The magazine used to be slipped in the rooms of each and every student, but this tradition also seems to be over. "You should keep in touch with your hostel's BSP representative for this." said someone. What?? Am I talking of getting my articles published? Boy! I am just talking of getting a copy of MY institute's STUDENT publication! (No offence to anyone.)

If that's how BSP works, it will remain as anonymous in the campus as ever.

PS: While I'm talking all this, let me not forget to thank the friend who recommended my blog for 'Blog Route' section of the newsletter. Thanx! (I took it somewhat casually last sem when you told me about this!)

Update (23 hrs later):

I don't want to make changes in the original post, but I should admit here that my contention about the distribution doesn't hold for the latest issue of the newsletter (though it still holds for the previous one) because I found it being made available for the hostelers today. Moreover I should not blame the entire BSP for anything as these things are managed by one or two individuals only.

(Back to my politically correct self, after a sudden outburst of frustration!)

Happy new year fellas!

So here I am... back TO (and also FROM) life! I could never figure out whether I like home the more or the campus. Perhaps, at any point in time, it's the one where I am not!

Everyone seems to be wishing everyone else a happy new year. And everyone knows 2nd of january would be no different than any day of december the last.
The contrast between any two consecutive days is best seen between Holi and the day after. Everything dries up. Moments, by default, are fractions of a second only.

Why doesn't everything remain just the same for a week at least? Errr.. not for me.. I won't like breaking the lock on my room on 7 consecutive nights (like what I had to do yesterday) when everybody else would be planning for the celebrations of The Night! As Shalabh put it, "I don't understand why you people return on 31st!!"

But yeah, (now I think) it was fun!- watching five of my most respected seniors trying their hands on the lock, including the one I least expected to (Need I name?)!!

I did resolve not to write on personal life. This is the first resolution I break! And I loved breaking it! Cheers! (Hope 'Cheers' doesn't even remotely indicate I drink, because I don't. Any instance of me telling anyone that I drink has to be a lie.)

Again, wishing you a very happy new year! Cheers!