Moments won't die. Sometimes I think they are the building blocks of life or time in some Daltonian-ish theory. And some moments must be radioactive. Something totally changes in a fraction of a second, and forever.
I am disintegrating. But it's slow. Defining moments in my life are few. The fractions of second that change everything are rare. I am no masochist but something makes me feel I don't mind it all. Subconsciously I know it's nothing but helplessness, which is just another name for cowardice. 'I-don't-mind-it' sounds brave; don't tell me it doesn't.
What would be left of me in the end, I don't know. Moreover I am not gonna reach that end state any time soon. Wait, who am I reacting against? Don't know. Seems to be some minute little insignificant things.
Can I have a choice to start all over again? Can't the disintegration be fast? Oh, there.. I sound suicidal. But I'm not. I just want to start afresh. I want to feel every bit of me changed all of a sudden, for once, and not in the fashion of being left to brood over moments that catch me off guard every once in a while. What does it take? Apocalypse?
I don't make sense. But I am not drunk. That is even worse.
October 26, 2007
Posted by ..
Vik
. at
12:10 PM
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9 comments:
Once you start a thought, you got to complete it. Thoughts left incomplete when they got too complicated are the major cause of traffic jams in the mind. Don't know how it relates to your post, but this came to my mind while reading it.
You are right. I know that too often my thoughts are not clear. What happens in such posts/poems is that I write something I won't like to discuss publicly, under the surface of a thought I can share. In the process of this only-for-me-Coding, I confuse the reader. Thanks for bearing with all this :)
I just loved this post for its ambiguity.
You know, first I thought Engineering and Science are antagonistic to creativity, but I slowly learnt that nothing actually is. For eg, microbes teach a great philosophy: that life is meaningless (I'm a biotech student)
As for "I don't mind it", I use it often too, but it doesn't sound totally brave, I mean somewhere between bravado and doormat-tiness. Or I guess I might be just saying that because it defies the stereotype of bravery
Yupp, I know, Mr 001.
Didn't I request you- "don't tell me it doesn't." Yes, my friend, yes. It is doormat-tiness to some extent.
'I know' was not about your comment (that would be a rude reply).. it's only about u being a biotech student.
Even if you manage to change yourself, the changed-you would also look for change at some time. Best would be to live the way you are.
[anon]
Being the way I am is an easy option, but not necessarily right. One needs to keep changing constantly, I think.
[Vibhav]
Didn't get your comment then! Today when I reread it, I can see what you meant.
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