Version 1:
Tere na hone ka jo bhi Suboot rakhta hoo.n main
Kaise Usmein bhi tera wujood dhundh lete hain log!
.......
Version 2:
Kaise Usmein bhi Tera wujood dhundh lete hain log
- Tere na hone ka jo bhi suboot rakhta hoo.n main.
Which one sounds better?
3 comments:
Version 2 for sure..
I think Version 1 sounds like a baffled yet unwavering atheist, while version 2 is a bemused atheist almost taken over by the other side.
And I won't disclose which one I am. :D
But, yes, now that you've said it, I also find Version 2 better.
This has all the elements of a good sher - surprise, paradox, poet vs the world, and more! Both versions work...the 2nd a bit more because it carries more surprise!
[Good to see you're still writing after all these years. Keep it up!]
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