I've been paraphrazing the same lines this evening, but, for all my efforts, couldn't put them in the way I wanted. Paraphrazing helps including something, but leaves out some other integral part of the thought. Anyway, here is the raw version of the successive attempts at improving the lines..
1) Ab to tanhaaii bhi nahi deti saath mera..
poochhti hai kuchh roz tune bewafaii kyun ki.
2) Duniya ke to hum pahle bhi na the ab kya hote..
ishq kya hua ke ab tanhaaii bhi hai naaraaz humse.
3) Duniya ye poochhti hai ki main gham mein bhi hansta kyun hun..
Tanhaai ye kehti hai ki ab usko nahii.n sun.na mera haal-e-dil!
I wonder how those greats used to say poetic couplets at the spur of the moment, in the best possible form. I can only salute them.
February 27, 2007
Posted by ..
Vik
. at
11:50 PM
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9 comments:
I think the 1st is the best! Like it a lot. 2 and 3 do not really add to the basic idea, but complicate the flow.
where's the rest of the ghazal?!
I doubt if they said it at the spur of the moment, the greats wrote those couplets in 'night-outs' most likely.
[Siyaah]
Yeah, sir. Now that I read them with a fresh mind on the next day, I too feel the same!
Ghazal!! when I can't frame one couplet in hours!!
[V]
Wow! Then the IIT provide us great environment to be one! :D
... and u say u've no time!!
[eyelid]
Oh really? you refering to some post, or is it that we know each other?
The first one is the best! Complete the gazal and post it!
as everyone says, first one is the best
and the moral of the story is/./dont try too hard...sponaneity is all thats behind genius
Although I dont understand urdu poetry naunces that well and heck writing is beyond my imagination, but still I like the second one best.
and then maybe if it would be upto me ...maybe i'll change "kucch" in first one to "uss"..but den it may change the mood..but still
all things apart, great work man
[Tap] Though I can extend the idea, but repeating "...aai kyun ki" is too tough for me.
[Phoenix] You are right. Don't know how many ideas I may've ruined by simply rephrasing them!
[Desperado] I think 1st and 2nd are more or less the same, but the 3rd simply strays away from the initial thought.
Yeah, "uss" can be a good idea, but it would reflect a "temporary infatuation", whereas "ishq", I guess, won't be that temporary. Thanks for thinking so deeply about it.
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