Ik waqt tha, jab baatein bahut thii karne ko,
Par baaton ke liye hamaare paas waqt na tha..
Mohabbat, arsa intezaar me rahi, bayaan hone ko,
arsa-dar-arsa, magar, uska wuzood hi na raha.
Mit chuki hai zehan se ab, yah,
ik arsa ho chala,
Is qadar bin-aawaaz toota ye rishta
pata bhi na chala.
Zindagi ke jhamelo mein
yoon zindagi chali gayi,
Sab kuchh to hai paas hamaare
khud ka par pata nahii.
Aaj waqt bahut hai paas magar
kahne ko kuchh paas nahii,
Chalte to hain saath aaj
hain magar hum saath nahii.
Bahut unchi ho chali hain diwaarein hamaare beech,
Par zindagi to, zaroor, aage badhti jaani hai.
to aaj se, priye, aur aage se,
tere mere sukh dukh ki ab alag alag kahani hai.
Chalo chhod dein khud ko zindagi ke bahaav par
le jaati hai kahaan ye humein dekhein zara
Aur haan,
apna khyal rakhna zara.
--- An unauthorized translation attempt. Hope the poet, who happens to be still alive, doesn't sue me...
September 1, 2011
Posted by ..
Vik
. at
11:42 PM
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35 comments:
Original bhi bata dete..
My attempt at trial and error (i.e., guess and google) failed :(
I dont see why you should NOT be sued. :D
Wonder where the inspiration came from?
[Phoenix]
Was reading old pages from your blog.. and this one touched a chord somewhere.. :)
Matters arising out of my blog shall be decided in courts of NCR only. :P
[Divesh]
Mujhe laga aap dhoondh hi lenge..:)
Chaliye, ab to aap dhoondh hi lenge... ??
tabhi mujhe laga familiar sound kar raha hai.. and it seemed like her words.
dhoondhna shaayad abhi bhi mushqil ho.. par ab koshish karna sambhav hai.
ek hint de do.. phoenix ya envisager??
found it... and you know what, though I like such stuff generally more in Hindi than in English, I liked the English version better.
[Divesh]
I too didn't like the way my attempt at the translation was turning out... hence skipped some 2-3 paras. And the most difficult words to translate here were 'we', 'our', 'us'. Hindi ka 'hum' to kuchh alag hi sound karta hai.. :)
main bhi koshish karta hoon :)
Itna kuchh tha kehne ko
Bas waqt zara kam tha
Pyaar alfaazon ko tarasti rahi
Aur jaane kahaan kho gaya
Dhaage khiche ek arsa ho chala
Kuchh bhi ab baaki na raha
Is kadar be-aawaaz toota ye rishta
kisi ko kuchh pata na chala
Zindagi ke jhamelon ne
Yun chheen liya khud ko khud se
Aaj sab kuchh paas hai humaare
Sivaaye khud ke
Aaj waqt bahut hai magar
kehne ko koi baat nahi
Ek saath to chalte hain magar
phir bhi hum saath nahi
Shaq ki kabhi gunjaaish na thi
Kuchh poochhna kabhi zaroori na tha
Tab, kyunki har jawaab pata tha
Ab, kyunki jawaabon ka koi maayna na raha
In raaston par chalte chalte najaane kahaan
Pyaar ka, rishton ka, zindagi ka hi matlab kho gaya
Faasle bahut ho chale hain ab
Deewaaren mazboot ho chuki
Ehsaas is kadar khoye hain kahin
Pakad paana jaise ab mumqin hi nahi
Zindagi ko to magar chalte jaana hai
To chalo aaj se yun kar len
Apni har hansi, har aansu ki wajah
Apna har raasta ab juda kar len
Zindagi ko chalo behne den
Dekhen aage hoga kya
Jaate jaate bas itna hai kehna
Apna khayaal rakhna
Your opinion?
Loving it! Will love it more if somebody gets sued.
[Divesh]
Better one indeed. But the essence of 'we' is missing here too.
Chhodo, ab Vibhav ko translate karenge. Ladki log ki baatein samajh bhi aati hain kya humein, jo chale hain translate karne.. :P
[vibhav]
One lifting the whole of the poem will be liable to pay more damages, na? :D
[vibhav]
Hey, if you happen to not have read the original, please translate a couple of paras from above translations back to English. We'd love to compare with the original.
What say, Divesh?
That would be great, especially if he decides to add some of his mystic flavour :D
Aur phir to pakka sue kar diye jaayenge teenon.
Btw, I think it will take a lot of courage to try to translate something from vibhav.. khair, bolo kisse start karen..
Great! Will try to translate some of it back, give me some time.
Well I tried a translation, but couldn't remain true to the originals here (which are not really originals :D), but here it is -
I remember you in a chair opposite me,
your lips spouting words, your impatient cadence,
the dismissive wave of your hand, as you left a topic
to jump onto another,
but I cannot recall what you said.
I know. We wanted to get so much across,
we didn’t have time for words.
Maybe we felt it wouldn’t last,
we were too busy seizing the day,
we burned out,
never saved for tomorrow.
It been time,
I’ve crossed bridges I’d never thought I’d cross
I know better today, about seizing the day,
that it doesn’t work,
without also seizing your tomorrows and yesterdays.
I have time to hear you better,
but we never built a story,
and it seems too late to do that now.
For us, or for each of us, let us
build our separate stories,
and hoping that we’ll meet again
at a place where our stories could merge,
but knowing we may not
I ask you to, on your own - take care.
vibhav - you ought to check the original now...
and Phoenix should see this and comment, while me and Vikram watch the show :D
[vibhav]
Mystic flavor that was asked for is indeed there.. :)
[Divesh]
Janaab ko original ka link de dein ya dhoondhne dein? :D
Vaise, you were right.. it's difficult to translate something from vibhav.. I tried but couldn't decide ke kisse start karein..
I have been watching the show from the sidelines, reading some great words, wondering if I should jump in or enjoy silently. Thing is, I can ask for royalty, would be better than suing the only people who ever read what I write :P
I am thinking I should try translating as well. Vibhav's poem.
I also translated Vibhav's poem. Tough hai bahut!
Yaad karta hoon main tumhe
Is saamne wali kursi pe baithe
Lafzon se khelte bejhijhak
Isharon se keh jaate
Idhar udhar ki bahut si baatein
par kya kaha woh yaad nahi
Jaanta hoon
Bahut kuch tha kehne ko
par lafzon ke liye waqt kahaan tha
Shayad vishwas nahi tha
tumhe aur mujhe
shayad zindagi ke aaj mein vyast the itna
Ki kshitij pe koi kal hi na bacha
Bahut waqt guzar chuka hai
Raasta bahut nikal chuka hai
Itne mod aage aa chuki hai zindagi ki gaadi
Kabhi socha bhi na tha dekhi hai duniya itni sari
Jaanta hoon main aaj
Zindagi ke aaj ko jeetna
aur ye bhi, ki jeet mumkin nahi
jab na anantar se naata na kshitij pe umeed ho
Tumhare lafzon mein dhoondna chaah raha hoon aj
who kahaani jo humne kabhi banayi hi nahi
Shayad
Shayad ab bahut der ho gayi.
Kya aj fir ek baar shuru karein
likhna woh kahaani
meri aur tumhari
ya meri, aur tumhari
Is umeed mein ki shayad ek din fir milenge
Wahan jahan mil jaati hon daastaan
Umeed na karein aakhir to jiyenge kaise
Fir bhi, kismat pe bas nahi
to itna to zaroor kahoonga
Apni nayi kahaani ke har mod pe
apna khayal rakhna
chalo original poem ki padpoti (great grand daughter) bhi paida ho gayi..
Koi kahega ki in sab poems ki ragon mein ek hi khoon daud raha hai...
On a separate note, I missed the fact that Vikram was almost wishing the poet of the Grandmother poem to have been dead.
ye to galat ilzaam hai!
PS: side nahi le raha hoon..
:D Thanks for the translation. I'm happy about this entire discussion. It's not often (not even rare) that I see people interested in poetry, something that I value rather much. Let's keep it so!
[Divesh]
janaab humein to achambha is baat ka tha ki ye ilzaam pehle hi comment mein kaise nahi laga.. :D
[Phoenix]
Great granddaughter ke aane ke baad royalty ka maamla thoda complex ho gaya hai...
[vibhav]
The discussion has been wonderful indeed.
Galat ilzaam nahi hai, the "still alive" was virtually an invitation
Guilty as charged, ma'am. An invitation it indeed was. :) Lekin zaraa reham kijiye mohtarma humpe, aur muafi ka eilan yahiin kar dijiye, warna dilli ki galiyon mein diwaane humein chaaku chhure lekar dhoondhne lageinge. :P
Ha ha. Kaash....
Maaf kiya. :)
Shukriya.. jaan jaate jaate bach gayi.. :)
Reading old comment threads like these somehow makes me feel more alive. Thank you, all of you.
Also makes me realize once upon a time I could write stuff that I wanted to read myself at a later point in time. I don't know when I lost the ability to write readable crap
I re-read too. Good old days :)
[Phoenix, Divesh]
Aisa hi haal apna bhi hai..Aur kya kahein.. :)
Apna bhi haal aisa hi hai.
Aap kuch bhi kahein, par kahein, aur likhein. Khamoshiyon se ab dar lagney laga hai. :)
I type an url to read a diary public,
Find it's open only to ones she invite!
Signing in with Google doesn't work,
Nor does swiping left or right.
So 'Wordenful' has no 'Words' now,
And 'Truely' public is public no more.
:)
I just hope you don't follow suit.
:)
The Original Poem (By Phoenix):
PARTING WAYS
A Relationship Turned Sour
When we'd so much to say
There was no time to share...
Love-longing to be expressed
Waited...till it wasn't there.
It isn't there- any more
The twine snapped long ago
Without a whisper the bonds broke
without even letting us know!
The madness of life
Robbed us of itself
We've everything today..
Except-outselves!
Today we've time aplenty
But nothing to tell each other
Today we walk adjacent
But we're not together.
We've never needed to ask questions
There were never any myths to shatter
then-because we knew all answers
Now-because nothing matters!
Somewhere down the way
We lost the meaning of living
The essence of love
The togetherness of being!
The wall's grown taller and stronger
The rifts have become invincible
The emotions have disappeared
The indifference is too visible.
But life has to move on
So from today and thereafter
It's each one his own journey
Alone we move- with our tears and laughter!
Let's leave ourselves to the flow of life
Let's see it takes us where
Just one last thing-
TAKE CARE!!!
[Putting it here, just so that the whole family of poems can be found at one place :) ]
Have to say this - the original is the best of them all :)
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