There is a certain kind of poetry that requires you to have an ultimate hold on the vocabulary of a language.
Sample this..
"Nasha teri aankhon se seekha..
Aawaargi teri zulfon se.
If only I had learnt from your heels
How to walk a thin line..
Gir naa padta main itna joron se."
This shows how frustrating it can be to move ahead of the first two lines if words are not readily available in the database of your brain. But in a way, it's good. It represents head over heels kinda feeling symbolically(:P), and that's the epitome of the feeling. So I guess it will do for the time being. Meanwhile I'm on lookout for words I can use to speak, gentlemanly enough, about everything between the head and the heels too. You know, I can't afford to fall down so much in one single step.
Or, in one single post, for that matter. :P
May 22, 2008
Posted by ..
Vik
. at
6:54 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
15 comments:
Achha hai words nahi mile, this sounds original fun and gooooooood
Yes it sounds good! I guess gentlemen don't talk about things in between head and the heels. Maybe gentlemen don't write poems! Maybe those who write poems can't be gentlemen!! ;)
[Phoenix, Vibhav]
Thanks! But the point is, this doesn't sound very neat, and the translation I have for that English part doesn't make much sense! Anyhow, it sounds good to me too! :)
[Vibhav]
Interesting thoughts! Funny, but sound quite true too!
I guess if one is gentle enough in the choice of his words, one can 'pass' as a gentleman. Gentlemanly behaviour is like an audit course- one must be careful enough to attain the minimum permissible standards, but should also know that any amount of extra effort is a waste (and sometimes, can even be looked down upon)! :P
idea kaafi achchha tha par could have been phrased better, I guess. Fusion of languages is not the issue ... in general something seems to be missing.. for example the last line seems to give the effect of a rhetoric question conveying the exact opposite of what you wanted to say in that line
[hope you don't mind a critical comment from someone who hardly knows anything about poetry :)]
PS: ye audit course waali analogy mast hai :D .. and in both cases it is hard to understand what would qualify as 'minimum permissible standards'
[Divesh]
I agree that the tone in which the last line is said interferes with the thought initiated by the first two lines.
Now, first think of a hindi/urdu word for collarbone.. You see, there is a thin line between beauty and absurdity. I need some soft, gentle words, and when I don't find them I'm frustrated and this echoes well in the rhetorical last line (..without deviating much from the original line of thought, I think.)
[Ye kya formality hai yar! :)]
Haan, kabhi kabhi final exam se bas ek din pahle pata chalta hai ki passing marks 30 nahi 40 the! (My case :P)
Audit course! :D
Waise to add to the discussion, I doubt if there'd be individual poetic sounding words for every part of the body. Perhaps it serves to bring home the idea that in case of beauty, the sum is much much greater than the some of the parts, and to talk of it piece by piece will only result in absurdity. Just a thought, maybe wrong!
[Vibhav]
I agree with your thought.(In fact, I can't recall a time I disagreed with you! You are.. foolproof!)
Waise I had only 3-4 more comparisons to make. Maybe sometime I'd complete it. :)
"Nasha teri aankhon se seekha..
Aawaargi teri zulfon se.
Gar seekhi hoti thodi si adavat ..
Gir naa padta main itna joron se..."
"Nasha teri aankhon se seekha..
Aawaargi teri zulfon se.
hota gar tawaazun ka hunar seekha
Gir naa padta main itna joron se."
i have tried to propose two versions of it. But while proposing a solution i have discovered that ppl do not used to wear heel in those days when akbar derived this language..hehe
u not getting the right words :)..boy something change since last i visited here :D
[Kayal]
Nice attempts.. but these don't have the heels there, and hence miss a vital part of the story. Good ones nevertheless :)
Haha.. Yeah, certainly there were no heels in good old days.. [But was Urdu Akbar's brainchild? I think not. It seems to me a simple result of mixing of cultures only:)]
[Desperado]
Haan yar.. really, dimag ki batti gul ho gayi hai.. Alzheimer's type!
See now THIS sher, I get. And I think its terribly romantic :)
[LT:)]
The word 'romantic' is there in all your comments. It's you! It's you! :P
Unfortunately I am a hopeless romantic, yes! =)
Post a Comment